- HELP WANTED -

Join the Janet Mills Administration and make our roads safe again!

Funding released by the Mills Administration, The Biden Administration, and The Maine DOT encourages you to apply for the 2024 "Road Shepherd Program."

Are you a slow driver? Do you routinely drive 20mph under the speed limit? Does this make your family and friends insane?

When you get to that stretch on Route 27 where people can actually pass you, do you speed up to 20mph over the speed limit?

You may be perfect for this opportunity.

ROAD SHEPHERD RESPONSIBILITIES:

• Successful Road Shepherds are tasked with slowing down traffic on Route 27 twenty-four hours a day in both directions. It is a year 'round position.
• Traffic should be held to 20mph under the posted speed limit. Where the posted speed limit is under 25mph, 5mph shall be the maximum speed.
• Under no circumstances should the traffic behind you be allowed to pass. Not even on that straight stretch of Route 27 where drivers can legally pass.
• Your territory shall include Boothbay Harbor where you will stall intersections and sweep pedestrians back into the crosswalks where they belong.
• You shall slow down the efficiency of the Boothbay Rotary by waving cars in ahead of you in defiance of traffic laws and right of way.
• Complete dozens and dozens of loops through the Boothbay rotary waving people in ahead of you and destroying right-of-way at every possible occurrence.

THE SUCCESSFUL CANDIDATE:

• Maine DOT has two positions they are seeking to fill. Both positions shall possess the following qualities.
• The successful candidate(s) shall remain calm when dozens of cars pile up behind them, literally 6-inches off the candidate's bumper, honking angrily, and firing small handguns through the candidate's back window.
• The successful candidate(s) shall spend their work day driving North and South on Route 27 without stopping unless it's for Dunkin' Donuts or an emergency.
• The successful candidate(s) must pass an eye exam, have a clean license, no incidences of road rage, and have Maine citizenship going back to 1605 or similar.

COMPENSATION:

$86.4k/year
State-supplied vehicle
Insurance, fuel, and maintenance on vehicle
Full Maine State medical, vision, and dental benefits
Generous pension and 401k matching after two months of employment.
Relocation funds available
Immunity from local, state, and federal traffic laws.

ADVANCEMENT OPPORTUNITY:
-- The Maine DOT has plans to expand the Road Shepherd Program to Route 1 within 5 years.
-- MDOT plans to include I-295 in the Federal Road Shepherd Program within seven years.
-- 10-years: Federal Air Traffic Controller.
-- 15-years: Space Force

Fill out an application to make our roads safe again!

OUR ENTIRE, BITTER, RAMBLING, RECRIMINATING, APRIL NEWSLETTER:
https://mailchi.mp/twosaltydogs/the-salty-paws-april-2024

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